Love Should Not Physically Hurt


True Story.  When I was in college, I dated a guy that many would have considered “perfect marriage material.”  He was headed to law school, he was charming, and he was fine (a.k.a. quite handsome).

I must admit that I thought I hit the lottery when he asked me out on our first date.

There was one little challenge: I was his worst enemy after he enjoyed a couple of drinks.

I was too embarrassed to ask for help, and I was too afraid to tell my “take no crap” mother (she would have driven to Virginia and . . .).  So I lived with it silently for seven months.

Right before everyone left for winter break, he and I met several friends at a local restaurant.  While we were waiting for our meal, he proposed.  I said yes, but no one heard me.  You see, just when I said yes, his very loud buddies took the attention away by cheering and congratulating him.  In that split second, a thought occurred to me – “Wait a minute!  This [bleeeeep] hits me!”  So when everyone calmed down, I mustered up enough courage to tell him no.

He was angry and a probably a little humiliated, so he broke up with me on Christmas Eve.  I consider that one of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received.

I am sharing this very personal story today, because the chatter about Chris Brown and Rihanna scares me to death.  I don’t know what actually occurred between the two of them, so I refuse to say anything about Chris Brown’s alleged actions.  What I am most concerned about are the spoken and written opinions about Rihanna.  Many (including young women) have alluded to the fact that Rihanna deserved it.

Here is the deal. No one (man or woman) deserves to be assaulted.  I don’t care if you insult his/her mama, wreck his/her car or have relations with his/her best friend.  Hitting someone is assault.  It is un-cool.  It is illegal, and it should not be tolerated.

And guess what?  An assault is typically never a one-time thing.  If s/he hits you once, it will most likely occur a second time (and a third).

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please remember that you are worth too much to remain in a relationship that does not honor you as a human being.  Remove yourself from the situation and get help.  I promise you that you did nothing to deserve this.  Here are some numbers to call.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or (800) 787-3224 TTY

Love Is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: (866) 331-9474 or (866) 331-8453 TTY

Love & Soul Always, Kawania



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